The Man Week Post – Becoming a Dad and more of a Man
This post has been a little late, and I did promise Gavin Heaton AKA Servant of Chaos that I would put something together for Man Week. After reading the not only his post but those of other local @coffeemornings attendees: Jye Smith, Scott Drummond and Matt Moore, I felt compelled to share.
When I first heard that I was going to be a dad I was in New York. I had just arrived after a 20 hour flight from Sydney to meet my wife who had been traveling on business.Earlier that day she had decided to get a pregnancy test kit from a pharmacy in New York. Not knowing where to look in the store, she approached a very large female African American shop assistant to ask for help. After the woman calmed down from her surprise at meeting an Australian, she promptly shouted across the store- ‘Hey- this Aussie needs a pregnancy test’!!!
After enjoying an amazing holiday, we arrived back in Sydney and I got down to the business of doing what a Man does when he finds out he is going to be a dad- I cried like a little girl. Yeah that’s right- I waited until I had some private time and just had a good cry. I am not sure why, but it just seemed like the thing to do, and brought me back to earth a little for the realisation that being a father was going to be filled with highs and lows.
Simone’s pregnancy was as they say reasonably text book. There was no morning sickness and all the scans were on target for a healthy birth. We decided not to find out the gender as a friend put it- “it’s the only true surprise you will ever get”.
When the big day finally came it was not at all what we expected.
We had done a few courses during the pregnancy and were hoping for as natural a labour as possible. As a man you can try to help as much as possible on the day, but it is just gut wrenching to watch the person you love be in so much pain and know there is nothing you can really do to minimise it, apart from be there for support. Coming up to 18 hours after her waters first broke, they informed us that the best solution would be a Caesar due to the position of the baby and how tired my wife was. This is the part that really tests you as a man, when you realise that now there is even less that you have control over.
15 minutes later we were in the operating room and about another 20 mins and our little boy Liam was born.
As he had been stuck in the birth canal he came out with a real cone shaped head which is very common and disappears within the first few hours. The really scary part was that he wasn’t breathing when he first came out and needed a little help and some oxygen before he was breathing on his own.
With all of the commotion of becoming a father and worrying if I was getting the good shot with the video camera in one hand and digital camera in the other, no one really told me how serious a situation it could have been. Once out of the operating room, I was informed that he would be taken up to special care for observation and some further testing.
This was the point when the hundreds of terrifying thoughts go through your head. You think back to every episode of RPA you have ever seen, every terrible story you have ever heard and all the terrifying scenarios that you came across when you were doing research during the pregnancy. And it all hits you like a tone of bricks.
I remember rushing into the small locker room to change out of the scrubs and back to my cloths so I could get up to the special care unit to be with Liam. Seeing him in that huge trolley (actually just a normal size one) and being so small there was nothing but cables and tubes all around him and nurses telling me it was totally fine and not to worry. Reassuring words for a time when I hardly felt like a man at all. Only hours ago I was watching my wife in incredible pain knowing there was nothing that I could do, and now I was looking at my son not even an hour old and already I was helpless. I was at the mercy of the nurses and pediatrician to tell me what was going on.
The hardest part was watching them place a feeding tube up his nose and down his throat to get some food into him. Simone was still in recovery at this time and they knew that breast feeding could take a few days to kick in.
Later in the day he was showing very good signs of progress and was released from the special care unit and was in our room for the first night. The rest of the week was trying as it is for many new parents, but much more along the normal lines than the first day.
Becoming a father is the single most amazing thing I have ever done (actually done twice). From the dirty nappies to the middle of the night feeds and endless rocking of the bassinet, it’s all worth it when you see their smiles and they first call you dad. When you go into their rooms to check on them before you go to sleep, to hugging them when they hurt themselves, there is nothing that comes even close.
The announcement of an impending pregnancy and the birth itself so often focuses on the mother, that many men think that it will not be as crazy a ride for them. Some prepare for it in different ways (like researching every online review of every pram available) whilst others enjoy putting their head in the proverbial sand. All I can say to other would be dads out there is be ready for an emotional roller coaster for both yourself and your partner, and most of all being a man is often more about doing and feeling unmanly things that you might think.
Jye SMith on July 7th, 2009
Truly moving, Trent!! Thanks so much.